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Archive for April, 2016

A friend shared this on Facebook and gave me permission to share it with you:

I looked up our old house on google satelites because i was feeling depressed. I knew seeing it wouldnt make me feel better. But something in me just wanted to see the town and the place i stayed.

(It’s  not often i post on facebook and even rarer that i share personal thoughts or feelings on it. But i really hope this finds its way to you. It could change your life if you let it.)

As i scrolled around google, checking out the old town, i kept getting more and more sad. Its not you that i miss, or the things we had. I realized that what i was really looking for was Jesus.

Remember the day i got arrested? And remember that night after you bailed me out? We made a promise to serve Jesus for all our days. The months after were so rocky. You quit on your faith fast, but i never said anything. Im sorry for that. You stuck with me through my trial but we were both headed in different directions. During my court case God revealed to me that you wouldnt be apart of my life any longer. I was scared, and you were the only familiar face for me besides my brother. I didnt want to lose you so instead i held on far longer than i should have. Im sorry for that.

I found a great church, not the one i took you to, a different one. I had one amazing experience walking to that hawaiian grill we loved so much. The Holy Spirit took control of me and i began speaking in other tongues…on the side of the road i just broke down on my knees and cried and cried, speaking in a language i dont know.
I moved to nebraska, and then to virginia. Remember how i told you i would end up back here? Lol, crazy the things that has happened!

The first year i was back in virginia was literally the happiest i ever been. I had 4 dollars in my pocket and a smile on my face u couldnt wipe off. My life had purpose again, there was a reason to live.

Slowly though, pride crept in. I thought i could handle things that i couldnt. I began to do my own thing instead of seek council. I became a fool. My priorities changed. It wasnt all at once, very slowly my prayers stopped, and going to church became a chore. I stopped going for months because of the guilt i would get for knowing my life was out of order. I didnt see it like this though at the time.

In my eyes, i was a victim. I blamed God for not being happy. In my mind God stopped giving me power to obey His Word. I blamed everything but myself. And i searched for things to bring me a sense of purpose and completion. I focused on my career for a while, then life became about one person, then games, slowly drinking and then drugs, i tried to keep myself busy with anything as long as it meant i didnt have to face the music of knowing im not living right. If this sounds familiar to you, please i beg, do what i did.

Its been a work in progress these last few months but every day I am rededicating my life to Jesus. Its about not quitting. I worked so hard to hold onto my life only to create a life of pain and misery. Thats the best we can do without Jesus. We can keep ourselves happy for the moment, but dont know how to satisfy our souls. Only Jesus can!

So what i really was looking for on google tonight was that experience i had with Christ, i wanted to be reminded of where my life started. I wanted to revisit and relive the night He poured His Spirit into me. And He has proven faithful time and time again. He has poured His spirit into me, He has forgiven me of my sins. I am a new creature in Him. And this redemptiom is for all!!

Sorry for the novel. But u know me…always have way too much to say about something : )

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